Thoughts on advertising

On the way to church on Sunday, there was one if those rotating billboards. You know, with the slats that turn and show three different signs? Anyway, one was for high-speed internet on your mobile phone. The second was for the grand opening of a Forever 21 store, which is wholly unnecessary and apparently a scene of complete madness (which doesn't surprise me at all). But there's already an Abercrombie & Fitch at Mamila in Jerusalem. Haven't we suffered enough already? But if Hollister shows up, I'm leaving.

And the third was for the new 3-D film "Puss in Boots", which I guess was a fairytale reference Israelis wouldn't get because they translated the title as "Shrek's Cat".  Marketing creative license, I guess.

 

An Expat Xmas

Since I’m spending my fourth Christmas in a very Christmas-lacking country, I’ve collected a smattering of music and videos and articles on my Tumblr to supplement that and to create a nice Christmas-like holiday at least in my own house.

So, in the spirit of Christmas, throughout the day I’ll share with you guys my Christmas things for those of you who are spending Christmas Day without a lot of Christmas atmosphere. I would have been more organized about this, but it occurred to me to do this this morning on the way to church so, in true Israeli fashion, it’s a bit slapdash and last minute.

חג אורים וחנוכה שמח!
ميلاد مجيد!
Happy Christmas, everyone!

The Pink Elephant in the Room

So there's this guy at my office who works down the hall from me who is gay. Well, I'm pretty sure he's gay. You know how you just know when someone is gay, just from looking at them or hearing their voice? That. Like, sterotypical enough to be say, "yeah, gay". Also, my gaydar is awesome. Correction: my American gaydar is awesome, and he's American. My Israeli gaydar sucks. But that's a blog post for another day. But there's a bit of a problem.

This guys works down the hall from my office, and we both have "pinged" each other (I'm pretty sure) so we both know the other is there, but we work for different departments so there's no real reason we would actually have to talk to each other. It's not like if someone walked in wearing a New York Steelers hat and you could go, "You like the Steelers? Me too! I love hockey", and take it from there*. You can't really pop into someone's office and go, "Yeah, cocksucking. So, how's that working out for you?". I mean, you could but I'm pretty sure you'd get fired, even in Israel.

The other thing is that I have to walk by his office to go to the bathroom, the kitchenette, and the elevator, so the whole situation is just very there. My nightmare is that I'm in the restroom having a slash and then he comes in, because if you're the only two people in the room then you have to acknowledge each other in some fashion; you can't just ignore the other person without the awkwardness exponentially increasing. Plus, doing introductions with your dick in your hand is not only mortifying but also pretty unhygienic. And, gay guys and pensises and public restroom are such a cliche that I would probably get the giggles, which would make me seem insane.

I had a similar situation when worked at a hotel in Jerusalem. There was an Arab guy who worked there, and we kept kind of scoping each other out, and I was pretty sure he was gay but I never really had the opportunity to talk to him because I worked at the bar and he worked in maintenance. And when we finally had the opportunity to hang out for a bit (we weren't all drinking vodka in the front office as a going-away party for someone, I swear), it turns out he's bi. And that was great, because then we knew we had a compatriot in the building, even though we never really interacted at all. It was just nice knowing you're not the only one. There's a certain comfort in that.

I don't know this guy that works down the hall. I'm not saying I want to be besties with him or anything. I just want to figure out how to break the gay ice, so to speak. I keep hoping we run into each other at a socially acceptable place, like the elevators or kitchenette or something (drinking vodka in secret at work), and can engage in a bit of small talk to get the introductions out of the way. But until then, the Pink Elephant roams the hall freely.

*I do in fact realize I mixed sports, teams, and cities there.

Instant holiday!

This morning we were out of cereal, so I made a generic-Nutella and peanut butter sandwich. Thing was, I running late so I ate it on the way to the bus stop, after I brushed my teeth with peppermint toothpaste. Do you know what a chocolate and peanut butter with overtones of peppermint tastes like? 

Christmas. Delicious, delicious Christmas.

"Just...hear...those..."

My mother sent a box of Christmas decorations. They arrived today. I've already loaded up my iPod with all my Christmas music, and my flash drive is filled with Christmas movies. Simon is hoping there will be cookies. I'm hoping there will be tinsel. Either way, our house is about to get Christmas-fied. Finally.

Just don't tell the neighbors.

I have some really absurd fears, living in this country.

One of them is going to the hospital. But not just going to the hospital, going to the hospital under really sketchy circumstances. For example: yesterday, I was cleaning the apartment since I had a day off. One task was mopping the floor. So as not to get any cleaning detergent on my clothes, and since it was pretty warm, I stripped down to my underwear and a tie-dyed tank top that I had slept in.

So I’m happily mopping along, listening to the radio, when Single Ladies comes on. Now, obviously, no one who is home alone can listen to Single Ladies and not shake their booty at least a little bit. So that’s what I was doing: a bit of dancing while mopping the tile floors with soapy water in my tie-dyed underwear.

Obviously, you can see where this is going.

Of course, I almost slip and, as I’m almost crashing to the floor, what flashes through my mind is the scenario where Simon comes home to find me bleeding to death on the floor and has to rush me to the hospital or call an ambulance, and I regain consciousness in the hospital as a Russian nurse is asking my boyfriend questions about why I’m covered in blood, wearing only a tie-dyed tank top and boxer-briefs, wet, and smelling vaguely of mountain freshness. And that, no matter how rational and accurate our explanation may be, she says something like, “well, you boys should be more careful next time; those towel racks come right out of the wall”.

Because worse than having to go to the ER for a sex-related injury is having to go to the ER for a non-sex-related injury that looks like a sex-related injury.

Israel and the Color Pink

Israel has published a website touting it's record on gay rights and the GLBT community in Israel. Some of this has been met with derision and accusations of "pinkwashing" while other call these accusations nonsense. I think that both have interesting points, and there is something to note when the far-far-right Avigdor Lieberman suddenly becomes the GLBT community's best friend, but I don't know politics enough to know if there's truely "pinkwashing" going on or if Israel is just doing PR. But this sudden chumminess of the Israeli government, especially the current one, with the GLBT community makes me a bit skeptical.

The claim that Tel Aviv is the gay center of the Middle East is absolutely true; there is nowhere else in the Middle East that has an open gay community like that in Tel Aviv, that has the protection of the government, and that has laws explicitly providing equality to GLBT people. That is 100% correct. There are gay bars here, nightly GLBT parties at various clubs, the national gay rights organization Agudah and adjoined café, the annual GLBT film festival and pride parade, youth outreach programs, the Israel AIDS Taskforce; all located in Tel Aviv. There isn't even a "gay-borhood" in Tel Aviv, which I think says a lot to how integrated the GLBT community is into the wider community.

But, on the same hand, being the "gay capital of the Middle East" is a pretty low bar to clear considering most Arab countries still outlaw homosexuality, akin to saying you've got the biggest dick in the room if you're the only man standing in a nunnery. It's also a bit irrelevant since Tel Aviv is essentially off-limits to most Middle Easterners, due in part to Israel's own policies. Indeed, the one gay Arab population Israel could actively help, Palestinians, are forbidden from entering Israel or applying for asylum for any reason, including due to persecution based to their sexual orientation. So to call yourself the gay capital of the Middle East when most Middle Eastern gays can't come to it, and when you actively prevent Middle Eastern gays from coming to it, makes the title ring a bit hollow and feels more like stam marketing than a genuine effort.

Shushi!

I have never been a fan of reality television; in fact, I can't think of one reality series that I watched with any regularity (though Rich's ANTM re-caps almost changed that). However, Simon somehow got it in his head that we simply had to watch the Israeli version of "The Amazing Race", which translates to "The Race for a Million (Shekels)". I reluctantly agreed, as I figured it would be good practice for my Hebrew.

Thing is: totally addicting. And it's on twice a week, too, which makes it worse (better?). They picked really good teams, so it's really more about the people than the race itself, which is probably the point. At first we were rooting for Shira and Firas, for obvious reasons, but they've since been eliminated.

So now we're torn: we like Alon and Oren because they're smart; Bar and Ina because they're ridiculous but surprisingly capable; Osi and Carmit, because they are Yemeni and made of awesome; and Tom and Adele, because he's dumb as a brick and she mocks him for it.

There's also Akiva and Anahel, the religious couple who are kind of annoying and too lovey-dovey and Anahel uses her pet-name for her husband, "Shushi", without reserve, as has been remixed in the above video. I don't think either of us would be too sad if they were eliminated...

But it's kind of fun to watch them.

Why Are They So Angry? | The Prospect

“High-pitched as Israeli political disputes are—and as eager as the Israeli parliamentary right is to restrict dissent, an Israeli dove visiting Jewish North America can still feel that he’s stumbled into a constricted, out-of-joint alternate universe. The moderate Israeli left’s argument that West Bank settlements undermine democracy and peace efforts is sometimes greeted in the U.S. as treasonous, sometimes as daringly unconventional. Ideas that have gone extinct in Israel still wander the American landscape, as if it were a Jurassic Park of the mind. What’s going on?” (source)

I’ve seen this disconnect and felt its resulting frustration many, many times, from foreigners, Jews and Palestinians alike, who arrive in Israel with an ideology that is completely disconnected from the “boots-on-the-ground” reality; almost like their reality is mitigated by their ideology instead of vice versa. In many ways, I think people (especially those in the diaspora) build their identities around their ideologies, making those ideologies completely rigid and intractable. I guess it’s that kind of thinking that gives FOX News an audience, wherein reality becomes debatable if I don’t like what you say.

And it’s sad, because that rigidness so detrimental to everyone involved.

"Don't Go To Strangers, Lover Come To Me"

The Israeli government has stepped in it again. The Ministry of Absorption released a campaign in the US aimed at Israelis living abroad, encouraging them to return to Israel before they become too assimilated. It was initiated in I think five places where there are large contingents of Israeli expats, including New York City, Los Angeles, and Palo Alto. The campaign apparently consists of billboards with phrases like "Before 'motek' becomes 'honey'" and "Before 'aba' becomes 'daddy'", warning of the dangers of...speaking English, I guess.

The billboards are accompanied by videos which are so melodramatic and heavy-handed (Israelis are not known to be subtle) as to be comical. The tagline is: "They'll always be Israeli. Their children won't. Help them return to Israel", complete with sad piano music and the requisite sense of fear and foreboding that Israelis are so well-trained to respond to.

Aside from portraying Israelis themselves as lazy (if your kid doesn't know what Hanukkah is, it's no one's fault but your own)*, oblivious (I hope your kid knows the word for "fire" in Hebrew, Dad), and socially inept (hey, Dafna: stop creepily staring at the graphic of a candle and explain to your boyfriend what Yom Hazikaron is; he's American, not retarded), it insinuates that Americans and American culture are incompatible not only with being Israeli but with being truly Jewish. You can imagine how American Jews feel about that...

"The idea, communicated in these ads, that America is no place for a proper Jew, and that a Jew who is concerned about the Jewish future should live in Israel, is archaic, and also chutzpadik (if you don't mind me resorting to the vernacular). The message is: Dear American Jews, thank you for lobbying for American defense aid (and what a great show you put on at the AIPAC convention every year!) but, please, stay away from our sons and daughters."

The reaction of diaspora Jews is a little more complex than that, depending on if you're reading the more conservative Ynet or the more liberal Haaretz talkbacks sections. I'm not going to wade into that issue, because a) I'm not Jewish, and b) given the tone of this blog entry already, do I really need to? What I think is interesting is what this says about Israel and, more importantly, Israelis.